Babies sure do have a way of marking seasons and time unlike anything else on this earth! I have spent a lot of time pondering all the changes that have taken place in my life since becoming a Mommy of 2, as well as this incredible season of growing baby #3... and I am in awe of God's "process."
In the past couple of years there have been some pretty major circumstances and events that have taken place in my life. To name a few: SO many health issues with my husband and my kids, joining a new church body, my Grandma almost died, a lost relationship with a very close friend, pregnancy #3, breaking my foot while pregnant with #3, and more marital refinement than I can possibly express. That is seriously just naming a few! But God has used every. single. one. of these life-events to do some beautiful shaping in my heart. He is so so faithful!
Pregnancy is a very good representation of growth and new life. But we don't always "see" the growing and developing that The Lord is doing inside of us spiritually quite as clearly as we can see a growing pregnant belly... However, He is ALWAYS at work in our lives. I love this quote:
"God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of 3 of them." (John Piper)
For right now, at least, I'm pretty aware of 1 of those 3 in my life... And it gets bigger every single day! Haha!
I believe, waiting for a baby to arrive is one of THE most unique and divine life-moments that we can experience here on this earth. Because (unless you are scheduling a c-section or induction) you have absolutely ZERO control over the situation. It does no good at all to worry or stress over it. You can't possibly plan for it. Well, you can try but it's not productive. At ALL. My body had some very strong consistent contractions about 4 different days in the last 2 weeks - All false alarms that just didn't move into active labor. For the past 2 weeks we have had our bags packed, ready to drop off the kids and head to Ste. Genevieve hospital (which is an hour drive from our house) at any given moment. Every day we talk about a new "game plan" for how we would handle the situation if I went into labor based on that particular day. And this has gotten pretty exhausting. I told myself that I would be PATIENT and wait for this baby with a joyful heart, but I have finally reached that point of impatience and frustration saying, "OKAY LORD, can we please GET. This. Baby OUT already?!?!"
Now here is the irrational thing about this waiting period for me... As I sit here and type, I am 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant; this baby is HUGE and clearly evident... But can I just be completely honest and say that somehow my brain had convinced me that this baby is NEVER COMING OUT! How ridiculous is that?!?! Of course I "know" that I am merely DAYS away from seeing it's sweet face and it WILL COME. But "knowing" something and "feeling" something are 2 totally different experiences. So many days of false-alarms have sort of squashed my hope and even my joy. I am feeling so weary. And this kind of struggle applies to so many areas of faith in our lives... All the more when we can't physically "see" the evidence of the thing we are waiting for as clearly as I can see this baby! So we ask, "Lord, will ____ ever come?!?! I mean is it REALLY coming? Do you hear me? It's still not happening, are You SURE?"
So what is it that you can't see? What are you waiting for? What are you hoping for? Is it relational? Financial? Is it an addiction that you are in the process of breaking free from? Are you exhausted in the waiting? Ask yourself, "What is The Lord's desire for me in this situation? What "process" is He walking me through as I wait for MY "labor and delivery" to take place for this particular thing in my life?" Because it WILL come. Maybe just not the way that YOU want it to come (I'm preaching to myself here, people)!
"Process always stretches us. It is designed to. Because we have to change our focus and our desire from just GETTING A RESOLUTION in the situation to a desire to BECOME LIKE JESUS in the situation."
(Graham Cooke)
No matter what, God's number one desire is to change our hearts FIRST before He changes our circumstances... And for us to learn the intimate fellowship that can be experienced with Him in that place, as we wait. So I am choosing to spend these last few days keeping my eyes gloriously fixed on who GOD is. It's not about what I WANT to happen or WHEN I want it to happen... but HIS PLAN is what is most important. I always want to trust Him more and MORE... And I'm thankful for every opportunity that He places in my life to grow in this process.
Help me Lord. Your strength inside of me produces good fruit. I can do nothing apart from You. You are with me. Your timing is unmatchable... And in the same way that even Jesus doesn't know when He is returning to earth (Mark 13:32), help me to wait patiently and expectantly... Knowing that YOU KNOW when this baby will come. Thank you, Jesus, that You understand my humanity and you are holding my hand as You wait with a similar sense of expectation, for Your Bride. There is so much beauty and intimacy in the waiting... And so much JOY waiting on the other side as well. Amen.
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